The CCEBUZZ Website

This is where I post up all the things the have vulgar language, "bathroom" humor, etc. If you are offended by this kind of material, then you shouldn't be here. You were warned before you got here so don't take it out on me. Have fun and enjoy.

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to take flight. Unfortunately he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when he hit the floor. The moral to the story is: Never fly off the handle when you're full of shit.

Etymology of the word Fuck

Fuck you, perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

USES FOR THE WORD FUCK
SITUATION	SAYING
Greetings	"How the fuck are ya?"
Fraud	"I got fucked by the car dealer."
Resignation	"Oh, fuck it!"
Trouble	"I guess I'm fucked now."
Aggression	"FUCK YOU!"
Disgust	"Fuck me."
Confusion	"What the fuck.......?"
Difficulty	"I don't understand this fucking business!"
Despair	"Fucked again..."
Pleasure	"I fucking couldn't be happier."
Displeasure	"What the fuck is going on here?"
Lost	"Where the fuck are we."
Disbelief	"UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!"
Retaliation	"Up your fucking ass!"
Denial	"I didn't fucking do it."
Perplexity	"I know fuck all about it."
Apathy	"Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?
Greetings	"How the fuck are ya?"
Suspicion	"Who the fuck are you?"
Panic	"Let's get the fuck out of here."
Directions	"Fuck off."
Disbelief	"How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole." It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty." It can be used in business-"How did I wind up with this fucking job?" It can be maternal-"Motherfucker." It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"

Jack Schitt!!

WHEN SOMEONE SAYS: "You don't know Jack Schitt" Now you'll know the entire story!

Jack Schitt is the only son of O. Schitt and Awe Schitt. O. Schitt, the
fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, who later ran the Kneedeep Inn-Schitt.
Jack Schitt eventually married Noe Schitt, and together they produced six children.
Holy Schitt, their first child, passed on shortly after birth.

Next came twin sons: Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, and the two daughters:
Fulla Schitt and Givva Schitt. Their final child, another son, was
named Bull Schitt.

In the mean time, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop
out. Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt, and they have a son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt and Givva Schitt married the Happens Brothers... The
Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt, and Horace Schitt.

Bull Schitt married a spicy number, Pesa Schitt, and they're awaiting
the arrivla of Baby Schitt. So now that not only do you know Jack
Schitt, but his entire family as well!

Special High Intensity Training

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees welltrained through our progrom of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST. (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T.jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where :) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :-) and :-( respectively. Well, how about some "ass cons"?

In the days when you couldn't count on a public facility to have indoor plumbing, an English woman was planning a trip to Germany. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for water closet. She wrote the schoolmaster inquiring into the location of the nearest WC.

The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive ju= st in time! I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters.We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" Grandpa replied, "Can your dick touch your ass?" The little boy answered no. Grandpa said "Then you're not man enough to have a beer." A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your dick touch your ass?" The little boy answered no, again. Grandpa said, "Then your not man enough to have a cigar." A little later, the little boy came out of the house with a cookie. Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?" The boy asked "Can your dick touch your ass?" Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah my dick can touch my ass!" The boy replied, "Then go fuck yourself, Grandma made these cookies for me."

Memo to all students.

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.) We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Students who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.)

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.) Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.).

For students who are intending to pursue a career in management and consultancy we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.) This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Now send this S.H.I.T. to 5 people who need S.H.I.T. in their life,just not the same person who sent you this S.H.I.T., they have already had their fill of S.H.I.T. Thank You for you Time

The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to which the priest says no. He baits the hook for him and says, "Give it a shot father". After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat. The fisherman says "Whoa, what a big sonofabitch!" Priest: "Uh, please sir, can you mind your language?" Fisherman: (THINKING QUICKLY) "I'm sorry father, but that's what this fish is called - a sonofabitch!" Priest: "Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't know." After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and spots the bishop. Priest: "Look at this big sonofabitch!" Bishop: "Please, mind your language, this is a house of God." Priest: "No, you don't understand - that's what this fish is called, and I caught it. I caught this sonofabitch!" Bishop: "Hmmm. You know, I could clean this sonofabitch and we could have it for dinner." So the Bishop takes the fish and cleans it, and brings it to the head mother. Bishop: "Could you cook this sonofabitch for dinner tonight?" Head Mother: "My lord, what language!" Bishop: "No, sister, that's what the fish is called - a sonofabitch! Father caught it, I cleaned it, and we'd like you to cook it." Head Mother: "Hmmm. Yes, I'll cook that sonofabitch tonight." Well, the Pope stops by for dinner with the three of them, and they all think the fish is great. He asks where they got it. Priest: "I caught the sonofabitch!" Bishop: "And I cleaned the sonofabitch!" Head Mother: "And I cooked the sonofabitch!" The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, but then takes off his hat, puts his feet up on the table, and says, "You know, you fuckers are alright."

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked fo a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My Mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, fucking beautiful!"

Adult

Etymology of the word Fuck

Jack Schitt!!

WHEN SOMEONE SAYS: "You don't know Jack Schitt" Now you'll know the entire story!

Special High Intensity Training

Memo to all students.